This is my story that has led me here. We all have our own, and yours, has clearly guided you here.
This is a story about being guided to open my eyes, open up to love, to find my inner Goddess and live in alignment with my truth and soul’s purpose, which is also about helping you, discover yours.
First of all, in my worldview, we’ve all incarnated to this lifetime, onto this planet for the same reason – that being our dharma – our soul’s purpose, which is unique to us all. Everyone has a dharma and it’s the reason why we’re here.
Finding my dharma
I definitely did not know my dharma always, even though today, it feels almost like I did. I say this because living our dharma, feels so natural, just like home. It’s more like we forget. I didn’t remember, or allow myself to trust this inner knowing to the extent, that I would’ve followed my heart, and the path my soul had chosen, not until my awakening and some of the biggest, hardest and most painful, but life changing transformative experiences I’ve encountered on my journey. These hardships were ultimately my life’s blessings that opened my eyes to see, helped me to feel and heal the disconnection I had from myself, my body, truth, feminine essence and essentially to nature… and so, the journey into wholeness and remembering my dharma began (and will forever be growing and evolving as we grow and evolve through life). This path until now could’ve been a bit lighter and shorter though, if I would’ve had someone there to guide me on my journey. However, I believe everything happens for a reason, and my journey is what has guided me to be here now, to share and serve, in the way I do.
Awakening and healing journey spiral
April year 2012, I found myself collapsing and in tears, as I walked down a fitness competition stage. I had given my all, both mentally and physically. I was completely burnt out. I had drifted far away from who I truly was, living from an unhealthy masculine energy of overdoing, achieving and pushing myself constantly over my own limits, in the pursue of happiness and fulfillment.
I was strongly conditioned by societal norms and structures. I was living out of alignment, totally disconnected from myself and my own truth. I felt lost and didn’t even know who I was. I was basically living a life from outside-in. I did what I thought and felt was expected of me.
Going into fitness and competing was me desperately trying to figure out and find my way to fill the empty void inside of me. I wanted to do something different, something unique, find my “own thing” and feel fulfilled – something I always felt was possible, but I just didn’t know how. This was my dharma calling upon me…
A big issue in my life was also that I cared and worried way too much about what others thought of me. This had a huge limiting effect on my confidence, how I showed up in the world and to all the decisions I made.
For a very long time, I had been ignoring and not listening to the subtle cues my body had been trying to message me. I felt depleted, not only because I was physically exhausting myself, but because I was trying to please others, fit into a box that was never meant for me. All of this just made me more unhappy and more unfulfilled in all areas of my life at the same time.
Working in health care
My job as a nurse was paying my bills and yes, I did help some, but not in the extent, or in the depth I had wanted to and knew I could. I knew there was more to me. I knew I had more to give, but my gifts and I were never fully welcomed in the healthcare space. I felt stuck and without clear direction. The values of health care and a so called 9-5 job, were very conflicting with my own values. I wanted more, and a little voice inside of me told me, that I don’t have to settle.
So, staying was not an option. It became my full-time mission to find my way out. I simply wanted to be free and free to be fully me.
At that time, I had ended up in a mentally abusive co-dependent relationship. In fact, I felt completely broken because of it, but at the same time I was unable to leave. On top of this, as if it wasn’t enough, my mother had been diagnosed with cancer. My whole world was crumbling into pieces, with my own health showing signs of dis-ease from long term chronic stress and inflammation.
My healing journey began from the body, spiralling deeper and deeper within.
Truthfully at this point, I had no other choice than to recognise how my own choices, my shadow and trauma, had led me to where I was. The time had come to take my life into my own hands. I finally made the choice to take full responsibility of my health, my wellbeing and happiness. Healing became my top priority.
Healing the physical body
With my background in our overly medicalised health-care environment, I knew how the system worked and so, I never really turned to them for help. I also didn’t settle for any of the diagnoses I got. This included IBS (irritable bowel syndrome) and hypothyroidism with a prescription for medication. I also had a severe spreading rash on my hand, but I didn’t want topical ointments because to me it all was like putting on a band-aid, without healing the root cause.
My condition was quite bad actually, I couldn’t digest food properly. My gut was broken and I developed sensitivities to most of the foods and had to go on a “elimination diet”, meaning eating only “safe” foods I didn’t react to. All my symptoms were related, nothing was random. At the worst I had to cook and make a purée out my foods in order to digest it.
It didn’t take long until I found Functional Medicine which is holistic in nature. It recognises a symptom as an imbalance in the body and it always looks for the root cause of everything. Functional medicine focuses on healing with nutrition and lifestyle, with the right supplements to support healing.
I began my studies primarily to heal myself, but I also saw this as an opportunity to create a way out of health-care and my 9-5 job. It just never was part of my purpose to work for someone else or “earn” and wait for a vacation twice a year. It became evident to me that being an entrepreneur – or a “soulpreneur” would be the only possible way for me to fully utilise my gifts and feel fulfilled in life.
It took me 4 years to heal my body completely. It was quite a long time and was like another full-time job that took 100% dedication, devotion, determination, as well as faith and trust in healing through an internal knowing I embody, which is, that the body can heal, when we give it a chance and the “right tools” for healing.
From the very beginning, I was convinced I can heal myself and so I did. Some of the huge shifts at this time also included quitting contraceptives and smoking (cold turkey both) after 14 years. I slowly began to detox my system and environment from a load of chemicals I’d been inhaling, ingesting and using topically on my skin, nails and hair.
It was a huge step on my path, although, it wasn’t the last on my transformational journey, rather the first…
Since year 2012 I was basically shaken awake every second year for a total of 8 years with a what seemed to be an integration year in between. Year 2014 I dislocated my right shoulder and I opted for operation with the best knowledge I had at that time. My body was still quite weak and the operation was heavy on my system. This experience was again obviously gifted to me, only to empower me more and to bring me even more into wholeness and alignment with my truth.
Healing the energetic and the mind body
Injury or any huge challenges for that matter, are always signs to me from the Universe, that we need to stop, reflect and redirect. It’s so common we run until we hit a wall, however, if we wouldn’t be so disconnected this wouldn’t have to happen. That’s partly why I’m becoming a Somatic Educator.
This time in 2016 I realised again I had no choice but to stop. I understood I was still running full-time on cortisol and I had not actually slowed down much after my burnout. I guess the Universe was like: Ok, she didn’t learn yet. Let’s give her another “lesson”.
I had to admit to myself that I was addicted to the unhealthy masculine energy driven lifestyle I was living, completely disconnected from my feminine. This time, as I again healed my physical body, the experience opened up a new layer of understanding and self-realisation. It offered a portal to dive deeper within my mental body, my mind, and to understand what kind of energy and frequency I was creating and calling in through my thoughts, beliefs, my internal dialogue, and the lack and fear mentality I was living with and holding onto. I suddenly saw clearly how I was holding myself back from the life I actually wanted to live!
The time I had for self-reflection cracked me wide open for more healing, as I began questioning my beliefs around my life, my environment I was living in, the people I invited into my life and how I allowed them to treat me. Above all I realised how my internal non-loving relationship with myself and my body was manifesting and creating my outside reality – as within, so without.
This time on my self-healing journey, I dived into self-help books, self-love practices, shadow work, inner child healing work, ancestral healing, collective trauma and healing work, somatic bodywork and more.
Truth is, the relationship I had manifested was yet another sign not to be missed. It was gifted to me only so I could open my eyes wider to the truth of my being and deep internalised unworthiness. Honestly it was not the only relationship of this kind. I had many similar before and some more mild variants after – all bringing me into awareness of my lack of boundaries, where I was abandoning myself, my fear of not being abandoned and not being loved. My experiences helped me see, where I still needed to love myself more.
After this experience I was finally done with this relationship. I found the power within myself to break free and say: No. More.
After the breakup I remember spending hours upon hours lying on my living-room floor in healing surrender, in overflowing tears, sometimes in deep meditation, even falling asleep on the floor whilst doing self-love practices. I was simply releasing all the baggage I had been carrying and holding onto for years. The time that I took for myself again was deeply needed, and deeply healing.
Saying yes to my soul
Year 2016 was the year my dear mother, the most important person in my life, passed away after having cancer for 7 years. Her passing crushed me completely. It was the most difficult thing I’d encountered. My whole world was turned upside down and everything within it, was shaken from its place.
It took perhaps a year or so, until I realised, how this was yet another gift given to me and an opportunity to finally “quit waiting for tomorrow, or a better day to come”. I decided to start living NOW, with no excuses or compromises. My eyes opened to the truth of how I am the one creating my own reality, that there is no one stopping me, but me. I began to embody the fact that I am the only one responsible for my life and happiness. After this, I began slowly stepping into my own power.
I didn’t only release my mother, but I released everything I truly didn’t need in terms of beliefs and physical possessions, making space for something better, greater and more meaningful to enter. I got a chance to re-create and reorganise my life – saying thank you and goodbye to all that was not serving me and welcoming ONLY that which was bringing me joy and fulfilment into my life. I literally threw away a lot of stuff from my home and made more space, eventually even later selling my home to be able to move abroad. In this process my motto was, if it doesn’t bring me joy – it needs to go!
The next year 2017 I felt finally ready to take a leap of faith. I quit my job as nurse after a career of 10 years in health care and became a full-time entrepreneur. A part of me always had an internal knowing this would be my path.
I had studied functional medicine for a couple of years and as a “way out” and as a “bridge” into freedom (meaning entrepreneurship). I had also studied a new profession as a beautician (which was not my dharma, but it gave me the confidence to quit my job). So, I rented out a studio in Helsinki and decorated it with my heart. I began offering everything I knew I could do at that time and started my journey as a full-time entrepreneur. I decided to trust the process and unfolding of my path and it was definitely one of the best things I’ve ever done for myself. I never looked back to living as I had before!
My beautiful studio was a dream come true, a step into more freedom. However, very soon after opening, it became clear and evident, that my dream was never to actually work from one single location. My dream was to be free to travel the world and work from anywhere.
This became my next mission, to create even more freedom both into my life and my business. I wanted my work to support a nomadic lifestyle and give me the opportunity and freedom to live abroad and work from my laptop.
We need time and loving embodied presence to heal
The common theme during all these 3 events have been TIME and PRESENCE, SLOWING down. This allowed me to reconnect to myself, my sensitivity, feeling, sensing, activating bodies innate intelligence, intuition and my creative life force energy. I went deep and got really familiar with my internal world. CONNECTION to self, is everything and this is what I teach today.
The time and space I took, giving myself permission not to hurry or take “orders from outside” being only in my own energetic field, allowed me to intuitively reconnected with my body, find safety within and trust in my inner knowing, wisdom and truth. I then also re-connected with the divine feminine essence, which I had neglected for the most of my life.
After the conscious decision to honor my truth and start LIVING my life, (not waiting for a better moment), everything magically shifted. I began to experience synchronicities and divine alignment. I finally gained that level of trust within which allowed me to let myself be divinely guided by the Universe, Mother Earth – Gaia – nature and Spirit.
My mother passing onto her next timeline, was actually one of the biggest gifts and blessings in my life. Everything in my life began to slowly find its place and alignment.
How my soul was called to Bali
n the beginning of year 2018 I faced one more challenging relationship and decided I needed to travel somewhere far for a couple of weeks to do some serious deep shadow work and finally end the karmic patterns I always seemed to find myself spiralling back into again and again. Bali came into my awareness and so, I decided to follow the lead.
This trip turned out to be life changing in so many ways. Firstly, I did what I had come to do (deep healing). The environment in Bali, which is feminine in nature – magically supported and guided my process. But not only that, I felt as if I’d finally come home, both outside, and more importantly, within. Bali lovingly and fiercely, like a mother, guided me back home to self – to connect with my feminine essence, loving her deeply, helping me find and awaken the Goddess within and inspiring me to dive deeper into this work of Sacred feminine arts.
I returned to Bali later that year to do a yoga teacher training, but I didn’t become a yogi though. Instead, I began holding space for Women’s Circles and Cacao ceremonies combined with breath work and sound healing. I even did a sound healing/ singing bowl certificate later in 2019.
I held space for these circles for a couple of years, before I manifested and met my future husband Ferdous, moved abroad to Montreal for a short time and soon after, the world went into complete lockdown.
It was actually after my trips to Bali 2018-2019, with all the shadow work and karmic clearings, that I finally felt ready to call in my true partner for life and the father of my future baby. Becoming a mother had been my dream since a little girl. The Universe delivered exactly what I asked for (and more). We’ve been together since that first day we met in late 2019, in a biohacking conference in Helsinki, where I was part of the organising team for years.
When meeting him my life was already set in a way that I was ready to move abroad, and so when he popped the question after just knowing each other for 3 weeks, I simply said yes to his request!
In fact, earlier in 2019 on a trip to Bali I also received and channeled the message about creating my Bohemian Goddess brand, creating feather jewelry for women, to “awaken the Goddess within”. I had never done anything like that before, yet the message was clear. I decided to trust it and soon found out that the path was already open in front of me. I just had to take action and let it all be born through me. In six months, I launched my new business, brand and online store with its first collection. It was magical!
Some of my biggest dreams, which were moving to Bali and becoming a mother came true soon after meeting my now husband. It all happened in less than 2 years. Marrying him 9 months after we met was a complete surprise for us both actually. Neither of us had dreamt of marriage, but during our time together it became clear it was something beautiful we both wanted to experience with each other. He proposed in June 2020 and we got married in July 2020 in Ottawa, Canada.
Next month, I became pregnant. We started travelling and decided to settle and make Bali our home. I immediately began to feel how my baby began activating me in my womb. Especially my throat charka started to open up like never before.
Our son Jupyter was born in Bali, 9th of May 2021, into our arms in the tranquil of our own home, in a bath of flowers. Since the early beginning and even before the pregnancy, I began preparing for healthy pregnancy and birth. Jupyter’s birth was a dream come true, with an active labor of less than 4h. I’ve shared our birth story and video on my blog and social.
Dharma – soul’s purpose
Fact is, I didn’t only birth my baby, but it was a rebirthing of myself – an initiation into Motherhood, Wombanhood and into being a vessel for the Divine Feminine work I’m about to share. It was an activation to step fully into my dharma – my soul’s purpose, as mother to my child, and as Feminine embodiment, Soul’s purpose coach & Trauma Informed Somatic Educator for Women.
Since the first time I placed my feet on this sacred land of Gods and Goddesses I knew, I’d one day be living here, holding space for retreats and guiding women into connection and wholeness within themselves, finding freedom and home within.
And so, from the bottom of my heart, I wish to thank you for reading my story and ask you, since you’re here…
How are you right now in this present moment? What are you feeling? What are you sensing in your body? What is active and alive within you? How is your mind, your breath…? Is there something you’d need right now, that could make you feel more soft, more relaxed, have more pleasure in your body?
Are you already connected with your natural essence of freedom and creative flow, with your inner power, radiance and purpose?
Are you living in alignment with your heart and soul?
Knowing the answer with your mind is actually not the point, because your soul knows, and has always known, even before you were born to this planet and lifetime.
It’s a feeling, a sensing – an internal “knowing”. It’s all in the body.
The world needs you shining your light, sharing your gifts, radiating and blooming as the Goddess that you are.
The purpose of my work is to inspire, empower, activate and ignite, to support the awakening, budding, blossoming and blooming of the divine feminine within, through feminine embodiment practices, somatic work, breathwork, initiations of deep selfinquiry, healing self-love practices, shadow work, through sisterhood and sister circles, by being a guide in both ceremony and ritual space, in retreat settings, and in 1:1 coaching containers – to bring more awareness, spark insights, taking us deeper into connection and alignment, coming home to ourselves, into remembrance of our wild, free and divine nature. This will also lead you to discover your soul’s purpose.
My big “why” is FREEDOM.
When we realise our freedom, we activate our full potential, our true power and all the gifts we’ve come to share with the world through our love. When you change – the whole world will change. You’ve got everything within you already.
With love and devotion, Sara